Choosing to Become My Authentic Self #6

Once upon a time, in a land only a few feet away, a very expensively dressed elderly man said, “Do you know who I am, boy?” I wanted to say, “You are a pompous ass, old man,” but I was too scared, and I was working in the lumberyard and could be fired. The wise-ass looked like the kind of guy who could call down the wrath of God or somebody on my head, so I said, “Nope.” The man hmphed and walked away. I was relieved to see his back. I never learned who he was – nor did I want to.

I believe that most of us would do well to take the time to study those around us and to decide – choose – what we wish to do, what it would take to do it, and what kind of person we will be when we do whatever it is.

When I was twelve years old, I saw the film “Keys of the Kingdom” with Gregory Peck playing the part of a courageous, smart, and especially kind priest. Now there, I thought, is a man I wanted to know. I decided that very day to do my best to be like him. I would become a priest. I also knew, or thought I knew, that it was probably impossible. I was born into a working-class family, and like my four older brothers, I was destined to be a farmer, service station operator, carpenter, or some such. I was often told that we all have a ‘place’ and we should stay there. But that priest in the movie seemed to be a kind of special guy who knew how to work and never said to anyone, “Do you know who I am, son?” nor did he act pompous or superior to others. I was sure he had found a place much better than the one he had been born into. l would do my best to become like him. And I did become a priest nineteen years later.

I made that choice in 1945. During that time period, I had seen several newsreels of thousands of young German men who had chosen to be soldiers and were marching lockstep and saluting Adolf Hitler. I then wondered if they ever thought of how evil or destructive his regime was or if they just thought that they were doing something to help get Germany out of the depression that the Axis countries had put their ‘fatherland’ into? Did they realize that they were making a choice? Now I wonder if any of my three older brothers who joined the U. S. military in WWII made a conscious choice. I do not remember hearing the words choose or decide while attending elementary or high school.

The keywords here are choose and decide. In my role as a counselor, I found that many, if not most, of my clients seemed to have lived their lives more like a ball in a pinball machine – bouncing around their field of life and hitting this obstacle or doing that and never really choosing to go there or to not do this or that. They were unconscious victims of their circumstances without noticing that they had a choice.to do this or that and, indeed, they were choosing to not choose. Again, I’ll point to my professor Victor Frankl who, as a Nazi prison camp victim for three years, decided he wanted to survive and to tell the world what he and other prisoners were experiencing. My own choice of becoming a priest demanded that I chose to study hard, learn to be kind and ‘good’ as I saw it, and be self-disciplined. I had to really want it and be able to overcome many obstacles. After only six years trying to fit into the role of priest, I decided to leave it.

I am glad that I was born into a country and society where I could choose. Unfortunately, many people are not. Some are born into societies wherein they do not have that opportunity. Until a few years ago, girls and women had limited choices. Caste systems in some societies restrict choices in life.

When we do choose, it is important to make sure we include life-giving ways of doing whatever we’re doing – and continuing to choose. In my own life, I believe that I inadvertently had become more than a bit self-righteous about who I had become. And I lost sight of my goal to be strong and kind. I am still learning how to connect with others in a life-giving way. Maybe that is another reason why I’m still alive after all these years. So, I now hope you, too, will choose to learn how to become an even better and more authentic you!  Now, continue to . . . 

Nurture your heart, and don’t eat the menu.