School of Two Thousand Smiles–Chapter Twenty Seven

NURTURING FREE THINKING

SAM

Patria began the afternoon session with a lively talk about education itself. “We will often come back to the I – Thou, but now I want to talk about education and why Dr. Haloran and others began this kind of school. I want to start with a simple question. You don’t need to answer it out loud. Think about this question: Did the school you went to encourage you to think for yourself? Four nodded in the affirmative, and one of the four said, “I went to Two Thousand Smiles.” The other three said they went to similar schools. The seven others shook their heads vigorously: well, all but Jack Ross, who simply nodded. “Most people say at first, how well they learned what the assigned books and the teachers told them was the correct way to think, and then they would realize that they were really told what and how to think.

For most of human history, only a few people were educated. Priests and ministers were educated by religionists, among the few who could read. Outside religious circles, the wealthy and ruling class folks, and they hired teachers for their own families. Ordinary people learned by simply living, and that did not include reading. Universal schooling — education for everyone — is a very recent idea, only a couple of hundred years old. It began with hope but was shaped by fear. When governments created mass education, they wanted educated citizens — but they also wanted order, predictability, and control. So, schools were designed not just to awaken minds, but to manage them.” Patria gracefully and gently went to the whiteboard and picked up an erasable dry marker. “Look at how most schools work…” She wrote and said, “Bells decide when you move. “Below that, “Schedules decide what matters most.” Then, “One voice speaks, many listen.” Then, “Answers are graded and compared.”

Patria sat back down in the circle and said gently but with authority, “None of this is cruel by itself, but none of it was created to help you discover your own inner authority. Up until recently, nearly all education was established to teach children what various authorities - religious, political parties, labor leaders, and others- wanted them to learn. There were always educators who believed children are naturally curious and learn best through experience. But those ideas were slow and messy — and hard to measure. Efficiency won. Control replaced trust. Independent thinking didn’t disappear; it just became inconvenient. Factories needed people who followed instructions and didn’t ask too many questions. Schools began to look like factories because factories paid the bills. Independent thinking wasn’t forbidden. It was labeled ‘disruptive.’ Human consciousness, more particularly student consciousness, was expanded – but only as much as the establishment, i.e., the government, political, religious, and traditional authorities, allowed.

“By the mid-20th century, fear tightened everything. Fear of being different. Fear of falling behind. Fear of thinking the wrong thing. Students learned an unspoken lesson: Don’t think too deeply or too differently — it slows things down. Here’s the key point. Independent thinking was never removed from education. It was postponed. We were told, “Later.” “After the test.” “After graduation.” But a mind that waits too long for permission often forgets it ever had it. Let me be clear: Independent thinking does not mean rebellion or disrespect. It means listening carefully, questioning gently, holding uncertainty, and choosing kindness even when no one is watching. Fear cannot teach a person to think. It can only teach them to comply. So, at our schools, we’ll end with one question. What kind of thinker do you want to become — now? We believe that the world does not need more obedient people. It needs people who can think clearly, feel deeply, and act with compassion. We, you and I, were born with that ability. Education should help you remember it — not train you to forget.”

Throughout the talk, Patria stood, walked around, even danced, gracefully sat back down,  got back up, and generally kept the little audience awake with her gentle conviction and quiet authority.  She glanced at her watch and nearly shouted, “Wow, I’m sorry. I don’t think I’ve ever preached like that before. I think I am reacting to the reports of hurt, depression, suicides, and negative behavior heaped on children and teens. So, t thank you for listening.” This time, she was given a round of applause when she sat down.

I got up and said, “And, Patria, I’ll add my ‘Wow’ to yours. That was a wonderful speech, and I’m sure you want our audience here to know that we never, ever, want our facilitators or teachers to lecture our students but to engage with them. So, Patria, why did you decide to lecture us?” I’m sure I asked this in a way that showed her I was not displeased with her. She responded that she was reacting to the many reports of suicide, depression, child abuse, and hurt that are reported, and that millions of children and adolescents have no nurturing haven to go to. Home, always somewhat limited, became even more so because both parents are working.  Home was no longer  ‘home’.

One after another, applicants told Patria that they really liked her impassioned presentation and wanted copies of it. Even Jack Ross wanted a copy and added, “I’m really glad you gave us that speech, Dr. Otieno. You gave me a very scholarly reason for why you all have created schools that nurture students' free and creative thinking. I’m looking forward to learning how you do that, or at least attempt to do it. I’m still a bit doubtful.“

I stood up and said, “And with that, we’ll break for today and look forward to seeing you tomorrow at 9:00.”

SAM – ENRICHING WANNABE FACILITATORS’ HEARTS

SAM – ENRICHING WANNABE FACILITATORS’ HEARTS 

As I drove into the San Marcos State University's faculty parking lot, I realized I was unconsciously singing Oh What a Beautiful Morning. I’m sure it was because I was feeling good about our Christmas vacation. All four of us - me, Alice, Jerry, and Micaela – everyone in the family stayed healthy. And that was wonderful. And I was looking forward to co-facilitating a new group of facilitators for our new Smiles Monte Vista school. 

My group training partner will be Patria Otieno, a beautiful African-American woman who was as enlightened as any tator I’ve ever met and as beautiful as she is intelligent. I smiled as I thought about Alice’s comment as she kissed me goodbye this morning with, “And you be a perfect gentleman with your partner, the Nubian Princess, or I’ll cut off both your balls.”

“And if I’m not perfect, only one ball?” I quipped as I closed the door before her shoe hit me. My smile got richer when the princess met me in the hall and gave me a warm ‘I-Thou’ hug and led me to the comfortable faculty lounge.  It was far plusher and more comfortable than our K–12 school's faculty meeting room. That one would never pass as a lounge. Three participants were already there, and Patria introduced me to them. Before the others arrived, Patria and I had a brief discussion about who would begin our first session. We had met over the weekend and outlined our first two sessions, and she asked me to be the first presenter. We were both dressed casually, as we usually were.  Our Collie-Shepherd guard dog had already given the three early ones a passing grade, and Roaman abandoned them, then came over and gave Patria and me a friendly wag of the tail as a greeting.  Anne Janklow, our campus policewoman, had learned that Roaman was retiring from a southern Cal city police force and talked our school council into employing him as our school guard dog in case Bruce Norse, Danny Sherman’s assailant, decided to ‘pay’ Danny back for sending him to the hospital. I think Anne just fell in love with the beautiful dog and planned to keep him at her home when he wasn’t at school.  Everyone at school fell in love with him, too. So, it was a win-win endeavor.

We chatted with the first three, two women and one man, who all looked like they were teachers or counselors and were in their thirties. They seemed confident and relaxed as we awaited the rest of our participants. Our fourth arrival was a surprise. He was a gray-haired man who looked to be in his 50’s or early 60’s. He had a friendly, relaxed smile and looked to be a lean, athletic fellow, about 5’10 “, mixed ethnic background and a bit darker than me. His name was Steve Cooper and I hope he was applying for a possible tator position, not for another school position. He took Patria’s hand, and I welcomed two more women – a white and a Hispanic – and both looked relaxed and friendly, and I thought I had seen them before. The darker one confirmed that, as they informed me that they had met me at the Spring California Teachers’ Association Conference a year ago. The seventh one, although dressed in jeans, a plaid shirt, and a khaki jacket, didn’t look like an educator. I have never seen a teacher wearing all new casual clothes and seemed so uncomfortable around other teachers. Even Roaman stiffened in a way he had not done before. The last four were appropriately relaxed and wearing multi-washed clothes, and Roaman wagged his tail in his welcoming manner. We now have 11 applicants in our training group – 5 women and 6 men. 

All were present before 9:00 a.m., and that was a good sign, I thought.  Patria and I did not want to start promptly, so we could allow ourselves and the others to mix with everyone or not, as they chose. We had discovered in earlier training sessions that those who did not mix easily were not among our chosen tators. Most of the applicants were clustered around Julie, our graduate student and assistant teacher, who had been hired as our ‘gofer’ and helper for the day. She was a gracious hostess and had selected a nice array of drinks and pastries for us. I kept an eye on our stiff new clothes guy as he seemed even more uncomfortable in the relaxed atmosphere and obviously had to work to be one of the teachers, if he was one. Patria asked everyone to take a seat in the circle of thirteen chairs. I passed out a sheet of paper with our six-day schedule – the sixth day would be a time for one-to-one meetings with each applicant.

 Patria and I sat next to one another with Roaman curled up between us. We, of course, became the center of the gathering. I began, “As you know, all of you are applying to become facilitators at our new Thousand Smiles school in Monte Vista this coming year. This week, we hope to create a relaxed, open, and friendly atmosphere that reflects the atmosphere of our current two North County schools. Patria has been a tator for six years at Monte Vista Smiles, and I have been a student and a tator for a total of twelve years at Two Thousand Smiles. Her school is almost as good as mine…” Patria punched me lightly on the arm, and I went on…” and honestly, we are friendly cooperators, not rivals, as we want our students to be. I attended Two Thousand Smiles for my last three years of high school, and then served as a teaching assistant during my two postgraduate years after my B.A. work. I can say that I enjoy my time at Smiles. Now, Patria,” I gave a slight bow in her direction.”

“Thank you, Sam, and thank all of you for being here with us today and hopefully for the week.  As I hope all of you know, our schools are set up to encourage students to grow physically, psychologically, socially, and to be free thinkers. As free thinkers, we also mean to be critical thinkers who make decisions about nearly everything and to be joyful learners. I’m sure most of you know that we always begin our school day with a few minutes of song and dance. We would like to give you a taste of that now to begin our day. So, please stand and join me. We’ll begin with one of my favorite songs.” Patria nodded to Julie, and Julia pushed the button, and we heard “Getting To Know You” from The King and I. Patria turned to me, and I bowed slightly to her, and we began to dance with the person next to us, and everyone began to move to the rhythm of the song. You can guess who seemed most uncomfortable. Julie added a second recording that had a more rapid beat. When that song ended, Patria and I bowed to each other and the group, and I gestured for all of us to sit. Even our stiff gentleman was smiling as we sat down.

Patria looked over our seemingly happy little crowd and said, “You all look happy and relaxed, and that is our intention – now and every morning of the school year. One of our inspirational philosophers is an early-20th-century figure named Martin Buber, who coined the term ‘I – Thou’. Sam, please tell us the story and experience that inspired Martin.

“Thanks, Patria,” I turned and looked around the group, “I always tell this story when I want to explain the I – Thou concept. When Martin Buber was a beginning professor at a university in Germany in the l920s. At that time, all new teachers were required to be available to counsel students when needed. One afternoon, a very depressed student, about twenty years old, came to see Dr. Buber. Buber counseled the fellow for about an hour, and a few hours later, another student rushed into Buber’s office and told him that the depressed student had hanged himself. He was dead.” 

I paused so they all could just feel the impact of this story. and then went on, “Like all of us would have done, Buber endlessly thought of the hour or so he had spent with the fellow and wondered what he could have done differently or better and might have given the guy some hope. Examining the hour, he thought he had been a good listener - he had not over-advised nor acted superior or like a pretentious know-it-all. He had been, Buber decided, a decent counselor. But he continued to be haunted by the boy’s suicide. After several days, he had what we would call an ‘Ah – ha’ experience: Buber realized that he, Martin Buber, remained in the role of counselor throughout the time with the fellow and allowed the depressed fellow to remain in the role of the distressed student. It was an ‘I – It’ encounter, and he should have made it a completely unguarded connecting encounter between him, the older and caring person, and the younger fellow, who was a very distressed young man. Buber realized that he had NOT been himself when he met with the young man. It was not what he later called an I – Thou encounter but an I – It, non-connecting meeting. Buber described an “I – Thou” encounter as one in which a meeting allows loving and enlightening energy to flow between two people. Of course, Buber realized it may not have made a difference, but he didn’t even begin to get to know and feel the energy of the boy.”  I looked around, and everyone seemed to understand me, and ten of the eleven smiled but not Jack Ross, whom I had been calling ‘New clothes guy’, who looked puzzled. I continued, “We want all our staff and students to make their communications, I - Thou.  And I am doing that now? I hope I am sounding like the real person I am, and not sounding like a professor lecturing you?”

I believe all but Jack Ross shouted, said, or mumbled that I sounded real. I added, "Of course Martin Buber emigrated to the U.S., as Germany was not open to free-thinking people in the 1930's." 

I had developed a bit of tension as I told the story, so I took a deep breath and relaxed back into my chair. Everyone was quiet and hopefully contemplating what I was trying to say. Michelle, a dark-complexioned young woman, said, “I think I felt more connected with some members of our group here than others. So, I‘m wondering if that is normal – do we all connect more easily, or openly, with one person than another?” 

Patria let me rest and said, “Yes, definitely. Sometimes, it is because of our own prejudice and closed-mindedness- and sometimes it is because the other person is not open to us. And sometimes we encounter someone who is not open to anyone. Young children, toddlers even, are naturally open little creatures; if they live in a safe and comfortable environment, they will let people get close. I’ll give an example; I have an aunt who is a close-minded old fuss-budget. She was visiting us when our daughter was three, and my aunt Hazel. The grumpy fuss-budget wanted to hold our daughter, April, on her lap. April would have none of that. April wouldn’t go near Aunt Hazel, and when Hazel managed to take hold of one of her arms, April screamed bloody murder, escaped and ran to me. Of coarse Hazel informed us that we were raising a child who was now becoming a hell-raiser. I knew that if I tried to explain my thoughts on that, I would not be understood, so I just said, “You really think so?” She responded, “I certainly do!” and left our misguided house.

As Patria continued to share her experience with the I – Thou, I reflected on my first encounter with her. It was in her training week, just like the present one, except that she was one of the applicants. At the end of the week, during a one-on-one with her, she told me she had discovered that her looks had become a barrier to her ability to have I–Thou encounters with other adults, just as they had in high school. She said she had never been asked out on a date until she was in college, when she met a bold foreign-exchange student from Kenya. I interrupted her and told her that I would never have attempted to ask her out if I had been in high school with her. She was shocked by that and asked why. I had said, “Because you are too beautiful and you would not even think about going out with someone like me.” Her mouth dropped, open and she said, "You gotta be kidding. You are a good-looking guy, yourself. I would have felt honored, I’m sure.” That was the first time she realized that her beauty was a problem instead of a gift. Now, I felt proud of her, as I saw and heard her very clear and relaxed presentation on the I – Thou.

We continued to discuss how best to have an informative, personal, and relaxed conversation in our classes and, hopefully, in future cohorts. After our morning coffee break,  I was glad to hear Jack Ross begin to talk about his concerns. His first question, “What if a person, or a student of any age, says that he does not want to be open and friendly as you…” He nodded toward Patria and me, “… as we have been talking about? What do you do?”

Patria nodded to me, and I’m sure she thought that I would be
better to talk with Jack than she would be.  I said, “Thanks, Jack, for the question. We all have a real and unprotected self within us. I have an infant and toddler at home, and I can already see my toddler, Jerry, learning to cover his inner self when he is around new people until he is sure it is safe. I hope you feel more open and friendly right now than you did this morning at 9:00. Is that right?” Jack nodded, and I continued. “Good, and I hope you will continue to become more open. If you wish to become a tutor at a school like Two Thousand Smiles, or even work in any capacity in any of our schools. I would even like to live in a world where everyone you see is increasingly open and friendly,” I looked around the entire small group and added, “And, of course, that is true for everyone. If a person does not want to be open and develop their connectivity – how’s that for a six-bit word?- then they would be asked to find work elsewhere. We only want to have an increasingly enlightened staff. Does that answer your question, Jack?”

“Then that person would be fired, right?” He paused and then added, “What about the stubborn student?”

I chuckled, “For the adult, I prefer to say, ‘let go.’, ‘Find employment elsewhere.’  Or some such, ‘Fired’ sounds so unfriendly. And if a student seems very reluctant to put effort into becoming more open and respectful person, we provide counseling because we believe the student has developed such a hard crust that he or she is afraid to interact with  others and be open to people of all ages. So, Jack, is that better?”

He muttered something that sounded like, “I guess.”

Patria began, “We have been talking about using words to connect with one another. Our bodies, especially our facial expressions, tell the world about how open, warm, or cold, or friendly we are. Now, I would like all of us to mosey around the room, make contact, and/or ignore those around us. Be aware of your own feelings as you mosey around. I like that word, ‘mosey’, it sounds warm and friendly.” 

I really enjoyed Patria’s relaxed and gentle manner, and I began to mosey by taking her hands and dancing around the room. We made only a few awkward steps, let go, and went in opposite directions. One of the younger males followed my lead, took Patria’s hands, and tried to pull her close, but she gently pushed him out to arm's length. He grinned and put on an 'oh woe is me’ kind of face. I began to simply enjoy the spectacle of 13 adults, mostly smiling, moving around. Even Jack Ross began to look more relaxed. 

SAM – ON BEING TEENS AND ADULTS AND MATURE - CHAPTER 25

SAM – ON BEING TEENS AND ADULTS AND MATURE - CHAPTER 25

“OK, are you all ready to become positive teenage adolescents and young adults who will show Dave that there are wonderfully great teens in the world?”

Joe Jackson shouted, “No, we’re all dedicating ourselves to becoming vicious hoodlums!” Everyone laughed, and some shouted, “That’s right, Sam.” “Damn right!” And other kinds of nonsensical comments. I asked them to calm down,  then told them that Debbie Ma and Olivia Martin had asked to go first to tell us what kind of teens they plan to be. 

Olivia awkwardly nodded, and Debbie shook a piece of paper in front of herself and said, “I have been acting as Olivia’s voice on occasion for several months now, and she asked me to write down what she wants to say to you all, so I’ll read her thoughts to you. She said that if she tried to tell us, it would take too long. So here goes: "First, Joe, did you know that less than 1% of physically handicapped teens commit any kind of crimes?” I looked over at Joe, and he folded his hands in front of his face and bowed humbly. Debbie continued to read, “Both Olivia and I are going to have a different kind of summer. Stanford University in northern California has a BTI, Brain To Computer, experimental program, and they need a few physically handicapped young people to work with them, and Olivia applied. And Ella’s Dad. Dr. Haloran will be teaching a summer class at Stanford’s School of Education at about the same time. And Debbie asked me if I could continue to be her translator and caregiver.” Debbie looked at Olivia, and Olivia smiled and nodded. “And she and I will be housekeepers for the apartment that Dr. Haloran is renting for the three of us. So that’s how we’ll become vicious hoodlums!” Everyone, including me, clapped for Debbie and Olivia. Debbie bowed to Olivia, and she was so excited I was afraid she might fall out of her wheelchair. Olivia had nodded to Debbie and she read, "My mom is going to take a much-needed break from caring for me and spend lots of time at the beach with my little brother and my dad."

Ella said, “And, I’m going to stay home and be with my little sister and be responsible – she doesn’t like me to say ‘babysit’ - for her while my mom teaches a rare in-person class at the University of San Diego. I think my mom’s class is about being a creative hoodlum. And I will continue babysitting with my baby niece.”  Ella looked over at me questioningly, and I nodded, and she went on. “And I will get out of the baby-sitting business and work with Dave and Evie on a summer project that Sam’s going to tell us about.” 

Danny looked over at Joe and then at Maria, and both nodded and, I guess, wanted him to tell us that they were working together on something. So, Danny began, “Joe and I have been told that we could continue working with the grounds crew in the summer, and Maria will be joining us. Also, we hope to embark on a special project. Joe likes to take still pictures, and I like to take movie pictures, so Joe’ll take still shots, and I’ll film interesting people and events. Maria likes to write, so she’ll write about what we’re doing. The three of us want to focus on the beauty that is all around us but is rarely noticed. When you, Sam, told us about the wonder of moving our little finger, I began to think about all the wonders in my body, outside my body, and in the world. We want to focus on the wonder and beauty of the world. You will appreciate any ideas you have, and please share them with any of us three. Thank you.” Everyone gave Danny a well-deserved round of applause.  Danny added, “Oh, and one more important thing. Joe and I will need good cameras, so if you have any ideas…”

Ella came back in the discussion, “Dave, Evie, and I plan to meet as many senior people as possible – both working and retired folks – and write about their interests and find out how they would like to see how our generation can both help or hurt our society. Or maybe we’ll learn that they have given us, and we’d like to know why they think that way. We hope to write an article or two, or maybe even a book. Maybe we can find some people for Danny, Maria, and Joe to work with. “

I was genuinely impressed by all the ambitious and thoughtful plans they had come up with, and even if they only succeeded halfway through, they would grow from the experience. “So, we’ve really filled up the teen phase of our development, now let’s talk about the ADULT PHASE or fourth Adolescence.” Before we do that, let’s all stand and give ourselves a hand for our vision and foresight!” I started clapping, and they joined me. “Now slowly move into the fourth section – the Adult phase.”

“The Adult phase is usually the longest period of our lives and can be the most powerful.” All ten of my fellow explorers looked questioningly at me, and I continued, “The teen phase, Dr. Boelen said, was around 13 or 14 to around 25. I remember being relieved that he said 25, rather than 19, because most of us are still trying to find out or prepare ourselves, educationally or otherwise, for what we want to do in our lives. Until about 100 years ago, most people lived and worked on farms. In the United States, the so-called Great Depression and World War II contributed to great changes in our society. We went from a farming society to a mechanized farm, then into cities and factories, and all that went with that. When my dad was 25, he told me that most people believed he should be living and working in the job he expected to hold for the rest of his working life; and be married and starting a family. Now, especially here in California, we often keep looking for a more challenging job and a more comfortable, better-paying occupation. As you have probably noticed, I drive a fifteen-year-old car, and some people look down on me for that.” I saw a few sleepy faces and bored looks, so I stopped lecturing and asked, “What do you think of our Adult phase now?”

Joe, as he often did, went first, “The men are mostly a bunch of fuddy-duddies who just go to their boring jobs and come home and watch sports on TV. And the women try to keep the house and the kids in order while also working. I think they are martyrs.” Evie said, “There is now a more politically liberal population in San Diego County. At least my mom and dad think so. They think that it became so progressive after the Vietnam War, which they hated and which my grandparents demonstrated against.” Ella said she thought both of her parents would continue teaching in some capacity until they retired, if they ever did. Gordo said, “My mom never went beyond high school, and I’m not even sure she graduated from high school. She had my oldest sister when she was sixteen, just like her mother did, and she has spent all her life taking care of us kids. I don’t know when my dad started working for the City of San Diego, but I’ve never heard him talk about retiring.  Most of the Mexican families I know are like mine. I think more are going into various professions and politics, and I’m proud of Gomez, who’s running for mayor of Monte Vista.” The rest of the students continued to share their thoughts. Their own families were all quite stable and working-class folks.

I went back to the Adult Phase and how it differed from the Maturity Phase. "It sounds like all your parents are enjoying being in the Adult Phase, and maybe all are, to some degree, in the Maturity Phase, or they would not have signed you up for this school.  When you hear someone say, “Oh, he or she is very mature, what do you think they mean?”

Chris shared, “I think that person is just right and fitting for their age. For example, a two-year-old who is walking, is potty trained, and saying a few hundred words is ‘mature for his or her age’. So, I don’t think they mean a phase of human development at all.” He sat back and added, “I really think that we, here at Smiles, are in a way, more highly developmentally than a lot of adults who are more like the recent president, don’t you?”

“I won’t answer that for fear of phone calls accusing me of brainwashing students on how to think, so let’s hear from the rest of you.” Four others agreed with Chris. Three said they had never really given it a thought and just assumed some people were older than others.

I said, “When we are talking now, we are talking about human development, and we mean Maturity as the fifth Adolescence.  A person who is Mature, survives as an Adult, and is enlightened in a way that helps others relax and enjoy being alive, human, and with them. Everyone has the Mature energy, power or streak within them, but some never use it or even realize it. The Mature person sees everyone as a Thou, as Martin Buber described them. I think that little people, even toddlers, feel whether I, as an older person, am mature, that is, see me as a Thou and are truly welcome to be with me. My own three-year-old will not go to a crotchety aunt who comes to visit us. I think she naturally knows that our aunt is not life-giving and thus safe.

Every Mature person sees everyone as a fellow human. For example, my wife Alice never refers to our baby as ‘the baby’ or ‘it,’ but instead says, ‘Take care of Micaela, will you?’ So, a mature person can be a professional, a garbage collector, a teacher, or anyone, but they relate to everyone as a person to be respected, cared about, and, if possible, loved. I feel good being in the presence of someone who lives mostly in the Mature Phase. A few years ago, I had to see a medical doctor at the clinic that I go to. My regular physician was unavailable, and so I saw a new fellow who treated me like I was some kind of ignorant nobody. I felt like I was just an object to him. It was like a carpenter working with a piece of lumber. I wrote a letter about him to the clinic physician-director, whom I think is Mature. Some professions seem to attract Adults or even those who are still mostly stuck in the Child or Teen Phase of development. I often think that those choosing professions or lines of work where they must blindly obey a superior are stuck in a lower developmental phase rather than becoming free-thinking Adults and Mature individuals. Oh, and it is important to know that a truly Mature person never thinks that he/she is better than or superior to another person. If I say I am 'better than  you', I definitely am Not.

“Now let’s hear your experiences about adults. How many of you agree with Joe Jackson on this? “

Chris jumped in before Joe could turn himself around in his chair. “First, Sam, I think you are one of the best and most mature people I know, and I thank you.”  The rest of the ten clapped and shouted ‘hurrahs,’ and I’m sure I turned a rosy red. I was so surprised by Chris’s very sincere remarks and the quick response from the rest of the group. Chris continued, “I felt welcome from the moment I came into this room, and I continue to experience you as someone who really cares about me and, well, all of us. My dad is a pretty mature guy, I think, and seems to respect his other employees almost as well as he treats me. So, I have two very Mature men in my life and, well, a whole bunch of women. So, I can’t imagine going to a school or taking a job where the bosses are mean-spirited. For example, I can’t imagine working for our recent past president and his minions.    

“Thanks, Chris and all of you. Now, let's make a list of the characteristics of those truly Mature people. I'll start.” I wrote approachable on the whiteboard. Ella said, “Have a sense of humor.” Chris added, “Honest and kind.” And others continued: warm, open, listens, likable, selfless, non-competitive, and I filled up the board with the positive traits as my cohort sees the Mature. I silently felt more than a bit weighed down by the expectations. 

"So, my fellow maturity seekers, keep all of this in mind as you experience the Xmas vacation.” I looked over the whiteboard, then added, “Patience.” And added, “I bet you’ll need it. And I’ll see you after the first few days of our new year.” I clapped, and they all joined me. 

School of Two Thousand Smiles–Chapter Twenty Four

ON THE FIVE PHASES OF HUMAN DEVELOPMENT - CHAPTER 24 

SAM

On the second to last Friday before Christmas vacation, the students asked about Artificial Intelligence, and several of them said that their moms and dads have been talking about it. I told them we’d talk about it in our last cohort meeting before our vacation. So, on Monday, I asked everyone whether they had any problems or ideas they would like to work on. Only Joe Jackson raised his hand, “I would like to have about two or ten thousand dollars, so I could buy a new car for my mom for Christmas.” He looked down his nose at everyone, and ended with me, and smirked.

I took my wallet out of my pocket, opened it to the fold, and pulled out all my green money – one ten, one five, and two ones. I showed it to Joe and to everyone and said, “I don’t think this will do it, will it?” Everyone laughed or at least chuckled. Joe shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. 

I said to myself that our cohort needs to dosomething to help Joe and his family.

I said, “Okay, I said I would like to explain more fully the idea that we all possess five developmental phases but may not experience all five of them They are: infancy, childhood, teeenage, adulthood and maturity. All are human growth periods, or as one professor I had called them - adolescences - of human growth phases – physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Maria held up her hand and waved to me. She had a twin sister in the other 5^th. grade cohort, and I was glad to see her being excited, as she was quite shy. “Sam, my sister, and I came up with a song that I think would fit your idea of the human development phase. We taught it to the whole fifth-grade class. Could we sing it for you?” I responded yes, of course.

Maria jumped up and shouted, “Okay, guys, let’s all stand up and sing for the old man.” She passed out a page with the words to their song to everyone, including me. Sam, the tune is from the Do, ray, me song in Sound of Music.

Love, a force to help us grow,
Heart is something all can know.
Mind is something we can change,
Learning, stretching, growing range.

Arms are stems we use to hug,
Hands write love when touch is snug.
Touch is how we truly connect,
Use all three to show our love

When your hearts and minds are one,
You can love most everyone.
Use all three to stay a friend,
And that brings us back to love again.

Lo, lo, love, so smile and see,
Love is you, and love is me.

All the non-wheelchair-bound swayed as they sang, and Olivia moved with them. At the end, I clapped enthusiastically, and I must admit I needed to wipe the tears from my eyes. “Wow, Maria, that is wonderful, and it does fit with our growth phases. Thank you. All of you join me and give a hand to Maria and Juanita.” I was truly delighted to see and hear such positive expressions come from our students. I hope they record their singing so I can use it in the facilitator training I will be doing in January. Now, back to our exploration of Artificial Intelligence and human growth. I’ve been thinking about it all weekend because it is very important for us to learn to use artificial intelligence creatively and positively. The keyword here is USE, because AI is a human creation that is like a living encyclopedia that we can use or maybe let others use for, with, or against us.” I didn’t tell them that I think we have subjected children to what I call superficial intelligence for centuries by demanding that they memorize words that tell us what someone else thinks is happening or has happened, and what we should do about it. My own dad told me that he and his fellow students in elementary school were taught that Native Americans were savages and many other falsehoods. And now, some of those same educators are worried about the dangers of AI. I continued with my explanation, “I hope you all remember me telling you about the professor who taught that every person, if he or she lives long enough, may go through five phases of growth and development. How many remember that? Two raised enthusiastic hands, while the rest looked a bit puzzled and rather timidly raised their hands about halfway. Chris loudly proclaimed the five stages of adolescence: ”Infant, child, teenager, adult, and maturity.” And Ella added, “And you said that the professor stressed that only a small percentage  of people make it into the mature or enlightened phase – at least long enough to make a difference.” 

I thanked them both and continued, “To make it easier to remember and to explain, let’s try this: Gordo, your desk is near the back wall, now please move it a little closer to the wall. You can stay in your chair for now or stand over by the door. Debbie, move your desk about 3 feet in front of Gordo’s. Chris, move yours 3 feet in front of Debbie’s, and Evie – in front of Chris. Now, we have 5 sections.” I walked back to where Gordo was standing near his desk and said, “Let’s call this space, closest to the wall, the INFANT phase. Now everyone move up close to near the white board.” I moved with them and then said, “I’ll walk back to the Infant phase and imagine I am the parent of an infant.” When I got there, I saw that Evie was the one standing closest to me, and I said, “Now Evie, tell us what you are thinking and feeling right now.”

“Gosh, I feel like I’m about to cry and I don’t know why.” And she began to shed tears and through her tears said, “This is crazy.” I moved my hands to hopefully encourage that it was okay and to continue crying if she wished. She did.

I quietly said, “Evie is saying that she is remembering and even feeling her infant self, and we, all of us, still have our own infant self still in us. Our phases are not like stair steps, where we leave one as we move to the next, but we keep our previous phase and move into or blend into the next. “Now imagine that you are an infant with nine other infants and slowly and gently walk back and join Evie.” I waited a moment for all of us to imagine we’re going back in time, and I said. “Now imagine how you’d express yourself.” Immediately, I heard fake crying and words like, “Mommy,” “I want my mommy.” “I wet my pants.” Followed by giggling and a “No, I really didn’t.” Laughing, more fake crying, and someone shouted, “Get me out of here.” And someone else yelled, “But I’m safe and warm in here, and I don’t want to go where I’ll be cold and lonely.” “Here’s another mouth to feed.” “Oh, honey, isn’t she beautiful?”  and more muttering. 

Danny had not said a word, so I asked him what he was thinking and feeling because he most certainly had the most complicated Infancy. He looked very serious and began, “I’m thinking about me as a baby. My mom became pregnant before she married Ratso, the one I always thought was my dad until a few weeks ago. I found out that Ratso wasn’t my biological dad, and I’m glad because he was a bastard, and I don’t know who he was, but he had to have better genes. I think my mom kinda used me as a shield and hoped Ratso wouldn’t kill her if she was holding me.” I could see that Danny was holding back tears, and I put a hand on his shoulder.

After about 5 minutes, I shouted, “Okay, you all relax, move apart and take some deep breaths. I think we can all agree that it can be a warm and pleasant place but a place we cannot stay in, right?” They all nodded and/or muttered assent. “So now, …” I pointed to the 3 on the left side of the group. “you 3 move into the second phase, follow me.” I stood between the infant crowd and the second desk. “Now, I am a child and you 3,” I pointed to them.  “…are with me and start doing what a young child might do.” As a member of our foursome, I moved around aimlessly and looked at my three companions, Chris, Maria, and Olivia. “What do you want to do?” Maria ran over and gently pushed Olivia’s wheelchair back and forth. And Olivia made awkward stabs at her. Chis ran around us and waved his arms and shouted, “I’m a bird, and I’m going to fly out of here.” I encouraged 3 more to join in the Child phase and then of the remaining 4. Two sat on the side of the group, hugging themselves and rocking back and forth, while the other two began play-fighting with another kid and laughed. 6 of the 10 seemed to be really enjoying themselves, and 4 of those 6 were quite mischievous. This went on for a few minutes, and I shouted, “Okay, gang, what are you feeling? You all seem to express yourselves as your younger child, but you, now at the ages 10, 11, and 12, are theoretically still in the CHILD phase. So how are you expressing yourselves as older kids in the Child phase?”

Maria said, “I express myself and feel different when I’m in different situations and with different people.” Several others nodded, and Maria went on. “When I’m home and with my brothers and sisters, I feel like a young child because all four of them are older than me. Then, when I’m babysitting my niece, I feel like an adult. And when I’m here with you all, I feel, well, like myself - whatever that is.” 

I was glad to hear Dave say something about how he feels. As he is probably the most reluctant talker in the cohort. He said, “I never feel like an adult, and I do pretty much feel like who I really am – a 11-year-old – when I’m around you guys. I really felt like a baby when one of my uncles called me a retarded brat. I wanted to hit him, but I didn’t, of course. I can’t wait to be an adult. I want to jump over being a teen because I hear so many bad things about teens, and nobody seems to like them – they don’t even like themselves. I asked the two self-huggers why they chose those positions. Chris, especially surprised me as he is one of the most outgoing ones in the group. He said, “I really was a scared rabbit when I started pre-school because it was the first time I had spent a morning away from my mom. And my fear lasted throughout my infancy and into early childhood. I think my kindergarten teachers were very kind, and I began to be more confident. Now, I think I was mimicking my mom, who is still shy around new people.”

The other shy person, Debbie Ma, was still quite shy but very friendly and had a delightful smile, shared that everyone in her family, two brothers and both parents, were all shy. “I guess we all have shy genes.” She said and giggled.

Everyone shared how they felt and thought about their infancy and childhood. I thought it was a good time to tell them that some of our characteristics are inherited through our genes, so I started with what Danny had said about himself. “So, Danny, you probably have your physical characteristics from whoever impregnated your mom – like your height, skin color, good looks…” He grinned at that, and I added, “I mean that. And many other physical traits. Your ‘Ratso’ probably had his personality and meanness modeled for him from his own growing up dad and other males, and you, thank god or more likely your mom’s gentleness and caring. You have decided to be a positive person who is only occasionally provoked into being hurtful to another person. And even with all that said, an odd gene or five comes along in a family, and a boy is born with brown eyes in a blue-eyed family. We really don’t know why these things happen. Our parents provide the clay, and we are the main artists who form ourselves into a positive and likable person.” I glanced at my watch and said, “It’s time to stop, so we’ll have to wait until next week to discuss our Teen, Adult, and Mature phases. So, you have a week to discover what kind of teen and adult you plan to become. 

Danny Expands His Ideas About Christmas–Chapter Twenty Three

DANNY EXPANDS HIS IDEAS ABOUT CHRISTMAS

(This had been posted in December and here it is in book order.)

On a Monday in the middle of December, before the morning's singing and dancing had even begun, I caught up with Sam.

"Sam, how are we celebrating Christmas here?" I asked.

He looked up and gave me a simple answer: "By taking a two-week vacation."

I wasn't satisfied. "I’m serious. Back in ol’ Mississippi, Christmas was about the only time of year people—and even boy-people—actually worked to be nice to one another." I thought of our friend. "Gordo said most of his family would think our school isn’t a 'good' school if we didn't celebrate the birth of Jesus. He’s so worried about it, he never even mentions the school at home this time of year. So...?"

Sam gave me a blank look, letting the question hang in the air for a moment.

"Could we talk about that in our cohort?" I suggested.

Sam smiled. "Only if everyone in our group wants to. Is that okay?"

"Sure," I said.

The next day, Sam brought it to the group. "Some of you would like to discuss Christmas because of things you’ve heard from your families," he began. "As you know, we don't teach or preach any definitive ideas about religion or beliefs here. We want you all to be free thinkers."

He leaned in closer to our circle. "So, what do you think of this? Starting next Monday, each of us can share what we’ve learned about Christmas—the customs and ideas of our own families. If you don't want to share, you can just tell us why. How’s that?"

Everyone agreed. Gordo and Elie volunteered to go first on Monday.

When Monday came, Elie took the lead. "My Mom’s parents usually visit from Oklahoma, so it’s always a big time to talk about it," she started. "Dad and Mom are Catholics. I was baptized in that religion, but the only time we really go to church is for the Midnight Mass here in Monte Vista."

She described the scene with wide eyes. "It’s quite a production. Everyone sings traditional hymns, and the choir is amazing. The pastor, Father Grady, is the center of attention. I think he’s supposed to be like Jesus at the so-called Last Supper, changing wafers and wine into the body and blood of Jesus."

Then, her voice dropped, and she looked down at her hands.

"Last year, I got my grandma and grandpa really upset," Elie admitted. "I told them that changing the wafer into Jesus’s body and the wine into his blood was just a symbolic change, not a real one. I was told right then that I was a heretic."

She looked up at us, her eyes a bit glassy. "I don’t know what that is, but I know it’s really bad because my gramma and grandpa made me cry. I think that’s the reason they aren't visiting us this year."

The room was quiet. Elie took a shaky breath. "Anyway, I think my grandparents believe Jesus was God and continues to be God. I don’t understand it at all, and to be honest, I don’t care. My Dad thinks Jesus was just a very enlightened man, kind of like Gandhi or Martin Luther King, but he never says anything when Mom’s parents are around."

She gave a small, sad shrug. "Last Christmas, he got angry at Mom’s folks when they made me cry. He tried to be a peacemaker, but it didn’t work. So, I don’t know what to believe about Christmas anymore. I just like to think of it as a joyful celebration of life and love, like Dad says."

She looked around the circle, her voice barely a whisper. "I’m interested in what all your families think. Oh... and please don’t tell anyone about what I said about my family."

It looks like I will have to wait till next week but I'm glad to here that I don't have to conform to any one idea about Christmas.

School of Two Thousand Smiles–Chapter Twenty Two

SAM - COHORT SHARES HOLIDAY EXPERIENCES

After the Thanksgiving break, everyone, even Evie, seemed eager to share their holiday experiences. As sharing slowed, Joe Jackson asked, “Sam, would you accept that guy, Bruno Norse, into Smiles?” Before Sam could answer. A chorus of moans, no’s, nevers, and so on, erupted.

I answered, “Joe, that’s an interesting question, and I did some research on it.  A few years ago, the mother inquired about having the boy and his younger sister enroll in one of our sister schools, and when she was told that both parents would need to attend a six-week orientation class and agree to our code of kindness and support of their child and of other students, she withdrew her request for enrollment. After meeting the couple, I’m sure the mother was quite happy to drop the whole idea. In our meeting, she told our school police officer that she did not know her well enough for her to call her by her first name. You can imagine how she would get along with everyone in our program.”

Joe responded, “Well, how in hell can we have peace in our town and even in the whole damn world, if some parents won’t agree to be kind to their very own children?” I heard some giggles, and Joe added, “I’m serious.” 

Evie immediately responded, “I really liked the way you included the whole world in your question. After I talked about our school at our Thanksgiving dinner, my uncle said our teachers must be a bunch of sissy dreamers. Then he sounded kind of serious and asked if we really learned anything. He said, ‘It sounds like you can just do any damn thing you want to do in that school of yours.” It really made me mad, but I kept my temper and told him about the success of our school graduates.“ Evie got a nice round of applause.

Joe continued to engage Evie by asking, “Evie, how is it going with your mom and dad and their marriage? You haven’t told us anything about them for months.”

Evie responded, “They are working on it, and they are seeing a couple who work together as Marriage Counselors. And I have decided I will be okay no matter what they decide. And Joe, thank you for asking. It is, of course, confidential, and I see all of you as my support people, so, well, thanks to all of you. And Ella, I was thinking about you with your altercation with that Bruno bastard and his buddies. Do you still want more variety in your life?” It seemed everyone in our cohort nodded and muttered, “Yeah.”

I said, “Before you answer, Ella, I’d like to say, Evie, good for you, and your parents. And Evie, and Joe, I know you are serious - Joe about the future of human welfare and how it is connected to how we raise our children. I wish I had an answer. I’ve thought a lot about it, and keep in mind that I think everything is evolving, and that it will take at least several generations of schools like Two Thousand Smiles all over the world. I understand that schools in Scandinavian countries, such as Sweden, have programs like Thousand Smiles. Now, why don’t each of us share our own family experience? I’ll go first.” I put my hand above my eyes and looked around our circle like I was searching for something, and then added, “I believe I’m the only one.” I heard a bunch of giggles and guffaws.  “As a father of one toddler and a newborn baby, I first see each one of them as a person who is special.  Even as small as they are, I believe they are a ‘Thou’ – remember me talking about Martin Buber’s philosophy on that?” Several students nodded, and I think the majority of our cohort is open to the I-Thou concept. 

Olivia, in her stumbling way of talking, said, “I know that my parents loved me like that Buber guy talks about, but I think they are still mad at God for creating me a cripple. But I’m sure that I’m here for the same reason everyone is and that I’m with all of you, and learning a lot about being a loving person.” We all clapped and loudly talked over and around one another as we said we were glad she was here with us, too.  

Joe Jackson said, “In the school I was in for the first three grades, we didn’t have any kids with palsy or other physical handicap, but we had a bunch who had mental handicaps and were mean as hell and hated people like me with dark skin. I think that is kind of a handicap, too. And we had a president who was handicapped.”

 Chris jumped in, “Oh, Joe, you have darker skin? I thought you just carried a shadow around with you.” He had a big grin on his face, and he got a few laughs and groans. 

Joe continued, “And I wonder if having a dumb sense of humor is a handicap, Chris.” We continued sharing and bantering with one another and enjoying each other's company. Before we ended our Monday cohort session, I asked how many students wanted to play on our cohort’s basketball team. Both boys and girls would be on the same team. Everyone except Debbie Ma, Gordo, and Olivia wanted to be on the team. I volunteered to be our team's coach, which would be a first.

Later, I told the team that we would practice for 90 minutes on Mondays and Wednesdays, and on Fridays we’d play the other 5th. grade team or perhaps the fourth or sixth grade. We looked pretty good as we put these four boys together with the three girls. The ‘we’ consisted of a young woman who had played basketball in both high school and college and even had done some coaching. She was Evie’s mother's sister. She was amazed at how respectful the boys were toward the girls and generally toward everyone. She had attended what I called an old-fashioned school, where she had put up with all kinds of bullying and insults. She didn’t believe me when I said this was their usual way of being around one another.  She volunteered to help me coach the team, and I quickly made her the ‘head’ coach. By Christmas vacation, she was a ‘believer’ that the kids were ‘naturally’ kind and gentle with one another. She thought that when she had kids, she'd like them to go t Two Thousand Smiles.