WAS JESUS AN AUTHENTIC PERSON? - Don Hanley’s blog #79

One of my favorite sources of wisdom is Martin Buber, an early 20th-century philosopher and college professor. I first ran across his thinking about 60 years ago, and this story has stayed with me: As a young professor, Buber was asked to be available to students as a personal counselor, as needed. One day, a student, about 20 years old, came to see him. The student was very depressed. Two or so hours after he left Buber’s office, another student rushed into Buber’s office and said the depressed fellow had hung himself – had committed suicide.

Buber spent many days and hours reviewing his hour with the young man, wondering what he could have done differently and perhaps really helped him. He thought he had been an adequately good counselor; he had listened well, had not been authoritarian in his answers to the boy’s questions, and had been friendly and warm. So, technically, he had been a good counselor, but Buber kept ruminating about the boy and his role as a counselor; he was even losing sleep.  Finally, after many days, Buber had an ‘ah-ha’ experience. He may have helped the fellow if he, Buber, had been himself rather than remaining in the role of counselor and professor! It was what he called an “I = It” or a role-to-role encounter rather than a Martin – Joe (or whatever the student’s name was) encounter. It was not what Buber called an I – Thou experience - a meeting of two authentic people.

As a counseling supervisor, I always asked my interns to be authentic when meeting their counselees. Fortunately, I (with my fellow administrators), managed to attract natural I–Thou candidates. I believe we nurtured an I – Thou kind of counseling center. 

I wanted to discuss this with John and Mary in Nazareth and how it fits with Jesus’s message.  And, John gets a bit impatient with me on this, but I still want to know more about Jesus's relationship with Yahweh. If you, dear reader, are a Christian of some kind you think of Jesus as a God - one of the three persons of the Trinity. If Jesus was this kind of 'sort of god-man, then I could not have an I-Thou relationship with him because he could not be like me. So, I wanted to talk with John and Mary about this.

That evening, I arrived in Nazareth and found my three friends enjoying a nice breeze in Mary’s flower garden. The one good thing the Romans had done was to build an aqueduct for Nazareth so that Mary would have water for herself and her flowers. Joshua had remained in their tiny house to watch the children, and Ruth was visiting with Mary and John. I told them about Martin Buber, who was also Jewish, and his ideas on the I–Thou concept and how that might fit with Jesus’s message.

John spoke, “I would say that my relationship with Jesus was an I-Thou one. And I believe Jesus was always his authentic self – he never played a role for anyone.  And, he added, he was NOT God playing the role of a human person. You were here when the Roman soldiers came to this house, right?” I nodded, and he continued, “If Jesus had also been here, he would not have liked the group captain, but he would have been as polite as possible. He would not have screamed like little Julie had done, but he would have been a bit cool toward him. The Buber fellow would not have expected us to have an I-Thou experience with everyone, would he? It takes two open people, does it not?”

“Yes, it does, and the only one I can control is myself. I have worked nearly all my life to be an open and I-Thou person. I hope I have succeeded most of the time.”

Mary surprised me by saying, “Well, Don, you have succeeded quite well. I felt close to you that first time you appeared with us here in this garden.” Hearing Mary say this made me feel wonderfully grateful and joyful. I wished I could have stayed longer, but I could not control my coming and going in Nazareth, and again, I disappeared. Now . . .

Now, pay attention to your encounters this week and stay I-Thou. Don’t just think about it; do it.

Hope for More “I – THOU’S” – Don Hanley's blog #18

About 70 years ago, I read about Martin Buber’s “I – Thou” concept. It changed my life, and I would like to share it with you.

Martin, a young college professor, was responsible for counseling students. One day, a college student who was very depressed came into his office for counseling. Martin said he counseled the fellow for about an hour, and the young man left. A few hours later, another student ran into his office and yelled that the fellow had hung himself – committed suicide.

Martin began reliving that hour with the student and thought he had listened well, was not judgmental, had not played the grand inquisitor, and was warm and kind. He had been an adequate counselor, he thought. He kept thinking of the student for days, and after a while, he realized that there was one thing that he could have done that might have made a difference, and that was Could have changed the counselor-counselee relationship with the fellow.

Martin realized that he had stayed in the role of counselor and left the student in the role of student and counselee. It was a role-to-role encounter, NOT a person-to-person meeting. Martin realized that a healing counseling session is most helpful if the counselor leaves the role of counselor and meets the person as the authentic person he is and not someone in a role. He knew the counseling session was most effective when the counselor allowed and encouraged the counselee to be as authentic as he or she could be. This he called an “I-Thou” encounter.

I have often been asked to explain what an authentic I-Thou encounter looks like. It's like this: When I'm buying groceries and paying at the checkout, I don't feel the need or desire to have a personal connection with the clerk. I always try to be kind and polite, but I don't necessarily want to engage in deep conversation with them.

When I visit a doctor, I want them to see me as a real person, not just a patient. I want them to connect with me on a human level, recognizing that I have thoughts, feelings, senses, and breath. I don't want to be seen as a mere object but as a living, breathing individual. Or if I am working in my place of employment as a ‘boss’ or manager, I want to engage my employees as persons, not as mere functionaries or roles or, especially, as some underling.

If I were an employee, I would like to see my supervisor or boss as an individual rather than just a functionary or a thing. If my boss treats me like a role, I would try to educate them about how I would prefer to be treated. To see some examples of person-centered or I-Thou meetings or encounters, I recommend watching the New Amsterdam series on Netflix.

Dr. Carl Rogers is one of the pioneers of humanistic psychology and psychotherapy. He was highly influenced by the philosophy of Martin Buber and brought about a significant change in the way psychotherapy was practiced. Dr. Rogers did away with the term 'patient' and replaced it with the term 'client.' In fact, he went one step further and referred to the person he was working with as simply 'the person.' Dr. Rogers believed that it was crucial for counselors to be true to themselves and not just act out a role while working with a person.

I am sure that we all have run into physicians, employers, managers, and countless other folks who treat us and others as if we are only roles or functionaries in their presence and not as the living, thinking, feeling, and breathing persons that we really are.

Many people tend to act like functionaries, devoid of feelings and life. We can learn a lot from young children who have not yet learned to ignore their own feelings and those of others. Unfortunately, people are too busy with their day-to-day routines, ignoring the beauty and wonders of the world, especially the people around them.

My friends, continue to grow in authenticity and be sure to . . .

Nurture your heart, and don’t eat the menu!

Artificial Intelligence Needs A Heart #8

A few weeks ago, I went to a café with a friend to have lunch. Sitting in a booth, we noticed what looked like a family – a Mom, a Dad, and a teenage boy and girl. All four were studying their smartphones, looking grim and even worried.

I looked at my friend across the table, nodded my head toward the family, and said, “Ah, there’s AI at work.” He said, “Yeah, and here’s another example: I attended a divisional meeting at our company’s office this week, and about a dozen of us were asked to have our laptops with us. That was okay, as we needed to discuss the contents, but after we finished, I folded my computer and started making the rounds and talking to the different attendees. I was the only one who seemed interested in the others we had worked with over long distances for years. Again, AI at work.” We agreed that AI would turn us all into robots if we were not careful.

I hear that AI may be endangering our very culture and perhaps our very existence. I believe that the real danger is that we will become an even more right-brained bunch of rigid non-feeling, very technical boobs. When I was ten years old, I was fascinated, horrified, and curious about the newsreels showing thousands of German soldiers robotically marching and saluting Hitler. I was horrified because I wondered if someday, I might be forced to stand there and begin marching like I had a cob up my butt, saluting some pompous jackass in some medal-bedecked uniform.

I told my companion, “I think we need to get people to open their minds and hearts and connect to one another as human beings. He nodded and asked, "How could that happen?"

I responded, “Have you ever heard of Martin Buber?” He shook his head no, and I said, “I’ll tell you about him. I’ve told this story hundreds of times in my classes and sessions with counseling Interns. Martin was a young professor at a university in Germany in the early years of the last century, and one of his duties was to counsel students. One day, a very sad and depressed student came to his office. Buber counseled him for about an hour. The young man left looking just as sad as when he arrived. About two hours later, another student ran into Martin’s office and told him that the lad had hung himself.”

Of course, Martin was horrified by the news and began scrutinizing the hour he had spent with the young man. After several days of going over and over the time with the fellow, he decided that he had "technically" been a good counselor; he was kind and patient, had not asked too many questions, and had done a good job. But he kept worrying about what he could have done differently that might have helped the fellow. Then it dawned on him – he had stayed in the role of professor and counselor and left the fellow in the role of student and counselee. It was an "I-It" relationship, not a person-to-person meeting.

Buber called it an "I–Thou relationship.” He may have helped the student if he had just been himself – Martin and encouraged the lad to be himself. Instead, he had been a person carrying out a role. Carl Rogers, the renowned psychologist, learned from Buber and wrote several books on this concept. His most famous work is On Becoming a Person.” 

I recently went to see a physician who seemed quite friendly and kind. Still, after a few meetings, I realized that he was treating me just like an "it” – as one of his assigned patients. Not a living, breathing individual with my own mind, giftedness, weaknesses, etc. I am not “an it.”

Please Google Martin Buber’s I-Thou concept.

Nurture your heart, and don’t eat the menu.