Nobody Is Perfect #5

No one is perfect, and no matter if we are too short, too homely, too white, too brown, too dumb, too whatever, we must accept who we are and own our giftedness and our shortcomings if we ever want to be a happy camper and be a joy to hang around with.

I was reminded of this when, fifty-five years ago, I was a priest and hearing the confessions of 7-year-old 'sinners' on a Friday morning. They were preparing for their First Communion, and this was their first confession. That was the Catholic tradition at the time. Now, I don't believe these little 'sinners' were any more capable of sinning than my dog Wubba - now sitting at my feet. The next day, I was sitting in the confessional and heard a young female voice come through the confessional screen, "Bwess me, Fadho, this is my second confession. My first confession wuz one day ago." I immediately said, "Why are you in here again, my child?" She promptly replied, "Well, Fadho, nobody is purrfeck." I was too busy stifling my urge to laugh to hear what her 'sins' were.

As far back as I can remember, I had older people telling me how clumsy, ignorant, stupid, weak, needy, and all things bad that a human being can be. Somehow, I thought these big people managed not to be all the negative things. Many years later, when I was a counselor and psychotherapist, I learned that nearly every client felt the same way when they were young. A deep, condemning look from a parent or teacher was enough to shrivel our little spines. And even though these big people had gone through the same thing, they seemed to have forgotten it. I often heard fellow workers at the lumberyard and on construction sites say things like, "Yeah, I went through all that sh*t, and I turned out okay" - yeah, like an unhappy ignoramus who seemed mad at the world.

Accepting many of our seemingly negative traits or shortcomings does not mean that we must like them; it just means that we must realize that is just the way we are if it's something unchangeable or that we must do the work to change them if we can. That is key. As the serenity prayer goes: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Some things are rather easy to change, but even then demand intention to change - patience, courage, and practice. Other things are far more difficult and require time and deep inner work. And yet other things are unchangeable, like being tall or short. Still, no matter how much we do, we will never be perfect.

One of my college professors, Dr. Victor Frankl, wrote in his book, Man's Search For Meaning, about his three years as a prisoner in Auschwitz. He said that no matter what the Nazis did to them, there was one thing that they could not do, and that was to control their attitude. Of course, Dr. Frankl did not like being in Auschwitz, but it was beyond his control. The thing he could control was his attitude. He understood that he needed to accept being in that damnable camp. Just as Nick Vujovic had to accept not having arms and legs.

So first, do what I offered to my little seven-year-old: Say to yourself, "Nobody is perfect, and that is okay." three times each morning and each evening. And, if possible, purchase Frankl's book - written in l948 - still in print. I hope you are joyously going on your life's adventure, and...

Nurture your angel, and don't eat the menu.