One of my most important blog editors has encouraged me to say more about how a person knows whether he/she is a ‘Thou’ person in my I-Thou kind of encounter. And how do we know if the person we are meeting with is a Thou? First, let me quote the Little Prince: “What is most important is invisible to the eye!”
To be a Thou, I must be a person who is interested in you or, at least, be curious about you. That is, I want to know your interests, such as what animals you like best, your hobbies, whether you involve yourself in sports, organizations that work for peace in the world, like meeting new people, and, well, everything. So, really, whether you are like me and really enjoy life and want to help the world be a better place. And if I am a counselor or therapist or any healing or education professional that you are consulting, do I seem to really be interested in you, do I have time for you, and have the patience to be with you?
If you are a child, especially a young one, you will feel that I am safe and a person who is interested in people like you. If you have been around the world for a while, and especially if you have been knocked around a bit or a lot, then you will want to know a bit or a lot about what I have experienced and will need me to take some time and have a generous kind of spirit and is willing to share it with you. If you only seem interested in my ‘ailments,’ you cannot be a Thou with or for me.
Ah, time. I will have to admit that I was too busy during the first third, or even half, of my life to be a good Thou person with anyone. Fortunately, I was a workaholic, so I did not do a great deal of harm to anyone except myself. And Time is one of the worst enemies of I-Thou encounters. Everyone is too busy to have time to be with others in a caring, I-Thou way. In my years working with parents, I found that the telephone was the most hated instrument children had in their homes. “Mom is on the phone. She’s always on the phone.”
Over my many years on a college campus, starting in the l980s, I saw two or three students walking around and talking to one another, most often not I-Thou encounters, but at least connecting in some way. Then cell phones came along, couples and threesomes almost disappeared in the 1990s and 2000s, and depressed singles with these little gadgets seemingly glued to their ears began to increase.
Then, in the 2010s, even human voices decreased, and singles would be focusing on the gadgets in their hands and sending text messages. Depressed and anxious singles began to increase, and too many went to counseling centers and found busy therapists who didn’t realize that the student facing him/her was real life, worried, low energy, sad, and alive, if only barely, a person sitting before them. And that poor therapist never heard of Martin Buber and the I-Thou encounter.
I hope this gives you a complete picture of the I-Thou. And I hope you will join me and . . .
Will open and nurture your heart and will not eat the menu.
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