TIPS ON HOW TO LOVE –Don Hanley’s blog #81

As I read an interesting article on how to help children become healthy, happy, and loving little individuals who will someday grow into big people, I realized the need to start with the first two ‘A’ words: Attention and Acceptance.

Next, we should also include Approval, Appreciation, and Affection. Every child needs to know that he or she is recognized as a person in the family. This struck a chord for me, as I recall often being overlooked by the adults in our home, especially after my youngest sibling was born when I was two years old. She had been a ‘blue’ baby, and while I didn’t understand what that meant, I sensed that she required all of our mother’s attention. An infant brother and an eight-year-old sister had passed away just a year or two before my birth, leaving both mom and dad very sad and depressed, as well as financially struggling.

Consequently, none of us received the kind of attention recommended by the article. I suppose we were just fortunate to be alive, with little hope of getting the Attention and other ‘A’s highlighted in the article. Still, I planned to share the ideas from the article with John and Mary the next time I met with them.

Two evenings later, I sat with them and Joshua, Ruth, and Julie. Their infant son was sleeping in a basket next to Ruth.  I was reflecting that Ruth and Joshua had really raised their two children with all the ‘A’s engaged. Mary interrupted my thoughts with, “Well, our time-traveling friend, what kind of mischief have you been up to this week?”

“I have been reading about how we can best help our children grow into healthy and loving people and the ideas, I think, could help us become better people, period.  And I thought of you here in Nazareth. The article focused on raising children, but I think it is useful for all ages.  It stated that we need to follow the five ‘A’s – and I described them to my little audience. “Of course, I want to know if you think Jesus would agree with the author.”

John answered first with his own question, “Don, when are you going to stop seeing my friend, Jesus, as the ultimate and maybe only teacher in our world and in history.?” He smiled as if we were playing ‘gotcha’. I smiled back and shrugged my shoulders. He went on. “I remember Jesus asking me how I liked a fellow in Jerusalem whom we had recently met. Jesus was scolding me in his gentle way and said, ‘If you want to connect with the fellow, you need to really see him, but you didn’t seem to do that. You were rather dismissive of him, I thought. I asked Jesus what he meant, and he said, ‘Well, if you wanted to connect with him, you needed to pay attention to him – to know what he thought, felt, desired, and all that.’ Now, John, ‘What do you think?” I think that answers your question about attention, does it not?”  I said that it definitely did.

Mary added, “You know, Don, Jesus, from the time he was a small child, really seemed to notice everything in the world, and particularly, he noticed every person he saw. And he never seemed to condemn anyone or anything as unworthy of being created with us. His attitude was, “If our Father created everything and every person, that creation must be good. And he would ask Joseph or me about the object he was observing. After he traveled to India, he returned with more questions about why some things seemed to exist, such as poisons, harmful insects, and animals like scorpions. You have children and have taught children, Don. What do you tell your pupils about this?”

“I told them about the evolutionary nature of creation and that every living creature evolves over time.” I attempted to describe evolution to my Nazarians and probably did a very poor job of it, but they were very polite listeners and nodded approvingly. Joshua said, “I believe Ruth has done a wonderful job of raising Julie and now Jacob to be inquisitive and happy little creatures.” Ruth added that Joshua was also an attentive father.

Julie smiled and said, “I no creature. Daddy.” We all laughed and she looked a bit puzzled. 

John returned to my initial question on how this may or may not have fitted in with Jesus’s message and mission. “I don’t think Jesus talked about theory and the philosophy of child-rearing, but he would tell stories or share experiences about positive and life-giving people with others. He sometimes encouraged us to help one another and to correct the way someone was being treated, He encouraged us to take care of one another. Have you heard of what is called Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount?” I nodded, and he went on, “Well, it was a much larger gathering than we had planned for, and many people came who were very poor and hungry. When Jesus saw this, he mingled among all the people, and in his joyful and loving way, he persuaded the well-off folks to share with those who had little or nothing to eat. That was his way of teaching. Of course, my fellow writers called it a miracle, but I think Jesus would have objected to that if he had still been living amongst us.” 

I glanced over at Mary and noticed tears quietly streaming down her face. We spent many more hours talking about the ways Jesus and his close disciples taught about Acceptance, Approval, Appreciation, and Affection. I was still learning when I suddenly disappeared. Now  . . .

Keep opening your mind and your heart and reflecting on the wonderful banquet of life and the inspirations of many menu writers.